Someone to talk to? | The Lesbian Question

Someone to talk to?

Hello everyone. I?m new at this, so I apologize if I end up rambling. But here goes?

My name?s Sarah, I?m 18 years, and I?m a lesbian. (Feels good to say it.) I guess I?ll just go through the road I followed to figure it out:

I?ve been tossing around the question for awhile. It came up first in freshman year of high school?I wasn?t sure what I was feeling, other than that I knew I cared about a friend of mine much more than was usual. I knew I was jealous when she was with other people. I knew I thought about her?incessantly. Looking back, I know I was head over heels in love?but at the time I dismissed it. We were just close friends. I would never want to?you know, touch her or anything.

But since then, the mad girl crushes have just kept rolling in. They?re everywhere?beautiful, funny women who just steal my heart. But I rejected my feelings, thinking it was ?weird.? To compensate, I?d RAVE to friends about ?the shirtless guy at the pool???that steamy actor???look at his abs???mm, I?d just take him home with me??.knowing damn well I?d much rather take home a stray dog.

Finally, I?conceded?to myself that there was a possibility I could be bi-curious (a far stretch, I know). Around that time one of my best friends came out and said she was into me. She was my first lesbian relationship, my first time having sex with a girl, and one of the most exciting months of my life. Without going into detail, I can tell you that our relationship did not ?satisfy my curiosity.? Thus I admitted to myself that I was fully bisexual. After all, no big deal?

Believing I was bisexual was a scapegoat for me. I believed I could be interested in women, ?go crazy in college,? and in the end, settle down in a traditional marriage and be happy. But the more I thought about it (and continue to think about it), the more I realize that I probably won?t be happy in any relationship other than one with a woman.

I guess you start to think that way when you realize that the romance in lesbian movies feels so much more right than the romance in heterosexual movies. When you can?t remember the last time you felt?legitimately attracted to a guy. When you go to parties and only check out the women. When you start falling in love with your friends.

And after it all, I think I?ve finally admitted to myself?I?m gay, dammit.

So why am I writing this post? I guess I?m not really sure. I don?t feel ashamed?I?m confident in who I am, lesbian and all. I?m not worried about coming out to my family (I?m fortunate to have a very progressive and accepting family).

I guess right now I am just trying to understand what being a lesbian means. And it?s scary when you realize it means more than just crushing on women?it?s serious, it?s lifelong, and I find myself wholly without answers.?Questions like: how do I meet women? what happens when I inevitably fall for straight friends? how do I tell my friends, I worry about losing them? should I tell my friends? how do I act around friend groups crushing on men, talking about sex, etc? do I preface all of my friendships with ?I?m gay? when I meet people? how do I face opposition to homosexuality?

I need to talk to someone in my situation, with similar thoughts and worries. I live in a small town, without anyone to go to.

Which is why I am so happy that tonight it dawned on me?the Internet! And I found The Lesbian Question. And here I am, madly pouring my confused heart out to you (sorry) when really I should be sleeping so I can get up for work tomorrow.

So if after this long ramble of a post (thank you so much for making it to the end!), you still want to talk, please please please email me at berry94sarah@gmail.com. I will be so, exceptionally happy to hear from you.

Till then, I?m off to bed. I?m really glad I was able to write this post and get it all out there?thank you for reading it.?I hope I hear from you soon.

Good night!

Source: http://www.thelesbianquestion.com/2012/07/23/someone-to-talk-to/

woolly mammoth belize resorts nikki minaj grammy performance shel silverstein niki minaj grammy performance grammys 2012 ll cool j